so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
