There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
