I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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