people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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