haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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