he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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