Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
