just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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