i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
