I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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