I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
