What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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