Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
