So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
