i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
accomplished twins. life is a go
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
