I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry my hands just texted you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
