More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
