I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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