you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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