if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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