The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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