he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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