I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
