Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
