Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
