I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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