how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
