At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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