Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
