so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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