booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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