I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
