i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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