Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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