I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
