At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize