loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
