ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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