I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
