i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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