.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
