Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
