Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
