So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
