Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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