a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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