I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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