So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
