I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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