im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
