I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
