I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
