I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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