also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
