Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
