This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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