Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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