do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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