just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
