I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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