my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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