So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
