I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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