dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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