There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
