does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
