honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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