I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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