Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
