Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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