i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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