birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize