i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
