Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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