Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
