can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
