i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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