Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Are we still banned from the library?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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