"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
